 Timeline |
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| Timeless |
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Clint,
Your time line should be renamed timeless, because your spirit has no time line. You were before you joined us and forever will be in the arms of God.
Love,
Mom
The law of energy states; "Energy can be neither created nor destroyed, only changed in form." This means that we as energy, are now, always have been, and always will be! We never really die.
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| 1985 |
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Clint was born in Knoxville, Tennessee in May 1985 and our home was filled with joy. The minute he was placed in our arms he slid into our hearts and will remain there forever.
Blake wanted to name his new brother, Professor (Inspector) Gadget.
"Only a child knows the beat of his mother's heart from the inside."
"A mother scuplts her child's face with a million kisses."  |
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| May 1985 |
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A New Little Son!
Thank heaven for little boys.
Thank heaven for their bashful grins,
their funny, boyish ways
that put so much enjoyment
into ordinary days.
Thank heaven for their mischief.
Then the kindness that they show-
The sudden, awkward little hug
that gives you such a glow.
Thank heaven for
their patched-up pants.
Their games and pets and noise-
in fact, thank heaven every day
for daring little boys!
Author Unknown
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| October, 1986 |
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I am thankful for so many precious memories. One day little Clint pulled out a skillet from the cabinet to the floor. Then he dumped a whole bag of flour. Clint and the kitchen were covered with flour. With a sweet grin on his face, he proclaimed, "I'm makin' pancakes". Only after cleaning and changing him, did I think about taking a picture. I wish I had taken one of him covered with flour. |
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| Preschool |
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One day when Clint was young and trying to figure out the world around him, he asked, "If Misty is my 'ant', is Brian a bee?" |
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| September, 1990 |
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Clint started kindergarten and looked forward to seeing his friends everyday.
One weekend morning he wanted to go to Shoney's for breakfast and he said, "If I had a little boy, I would take him to 'Oney's for breakfast." He had everyone wrapped around his finger with his smile and charm.
When Clint was little he would introduce himself as 'Nint'. When others would respond. 'Nint?'. He would say back, "No, not 'Nint, 'Nint". Thinking he was saying it correctly.
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| Fall 1991 |
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One weekend we headed over the mountains to visit Santa's Land Amusement Park. As we got closer, it began to snow and Clint was convinced we were at the North Pole. |
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| Summer Vacation Poem |
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Our Journey
Once a year our family becomes insane
As we travel south in the fast lane.
My brother and I travel with mom and pop
And my brother can never pass a rest stop.
We head down the freeway and up the mountains we climb.
Mom says, “We’re lost.” But dad says, “We’re making good time.”
We just passed Georgia and our goal is near.
The one question on my brother’s mind you can bet
is always the same, “Are we there, yet?”
When finally at the beach we arrive,
Mom says, “Thank God we’re alive!”
By Young Blake with some help from Alan |
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| September, 1999 |
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Clint started high school. He was warm and affectionate, but also mischievous and fun seeking. |
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| May, 2001 |
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May 2001, was Clint's sixteenth birthday. During this time he was attending meetings with People to People for his upcoming trip.
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| June, 2001 |
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Clint visited Australia and New Zealand for 21 days with People to People. The leaders of the group told the parents not to expect to hear from the students much during the three week trip because their schedules were so busy. Clint found the time to contact us many times while he was on the trip. He was so excited to share with us all of his new experiences.
We miss hearing from him now while he is on this Great Adventure. |
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| May, 2003 |
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Clint graduated high school. He made plans to attend community college. |
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| August, 2003 |
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His first new car. We spent many days washing and drying that car. He really enjoyed the newly installed sound system. We still listen for the music to come up the driveway and to pull into the garage.
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| 2005 |
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Clint passed away in August 2005. It hurt so much to think the saddest day of our lives was linked forever with one of the happiest days of our lives, his birth date. Then a compassionate and wise person sent me a clip that talked about the dash in middle and how it represents all the life lived between those dates. We want to focus how that life touched us and so many others.
We imagine that Clint is now fishing with his grandfathers, laughing and discussing sports. We chose a scene for his marker that depicts him fishing with our family dog by his side. In the scene, he is wearing his favorite color of shirt and the ball cap of his favorite team.
"He spake well who said that graves are the footprints of angels." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"A grave is braced not just by a tombstone, but by angels as well." Adabella Radici
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| A Measure of Time On Earth |
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It is 7388 days from the birth date to the angel date,
Or 20 years, 2 months, 22 days
Alternative time units
7388 days can be converted to one of these units:
• 638,323,200 seconds
• 10,638,720 minutes
• 177,312 hours
• 1055 weeks
There is no measure for our love. It continues to grow. |
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| August 2005 |
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The Bustle in a House
The Morning after Death
Is solemnest of industries
Enacted upon earth—
The Sweeping up the Heart
And putting Love away
We shall not want to use again
Until Eternity.
--Emily Dickenson
We will never put our love for you away. It is with us always. |
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| August 2005 |
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"When our mortal eyes close on this
world for the last time, our angels
open our spiritual eyes and escort
us personally before the face of God".
Eileen Elisa Freeman
"The Angels' Little Instruction Book" |
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| August, 2005 |
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I was out of town visiting family when Clint died. It had rained the whole time I was visiting, but just as the plane was taking off the sun began to shine. As the plane rose above the clouds a rainbow appeared. It was an amazing sight to see a rainbow from above the clouds. I felt was though Clint was saying to me, "Mom, I am okay and see how beautiful it is here." (Now, he is somewhere over that rainbow.) It was a very long and difficult flight home that day for me.
May God hold you in the palm of His hands until we meet again.
Bill Guggenheim says in his book, Hello From Heaven, that rainbows are one of the two most commom After Death Connections. |
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| August, 2005 |
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These words are on a picture frame in which we have a picture of Clint. Since the words seem as though they could have been ours, I am adding them to this site.
"Little I knew that morning,
God was going to call your name,
in life we loved you dearly,
in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
you did not go alone,
for part of me went with you,
the day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories,
your love is still our guide,
and though we cannot see you,
you are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again."
Author Unknown
I have heard it expressed that bereaved parents have one foot on earth and one foot in heaven. It certainly feels that way sometimes. Just as the song says, we expect Clint to save us a place at the (Heavenly) Breakfast Table. |
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| September, 2005 |
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There were many days Debra and I helped Clint wash and dry his car. He was so proud of his car. One day not long after he died I was washing his car alone and I felt a strong presence of Clint with me.
Alan |
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| Christmas 2005 |
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It was almost impossible to think of celebrating Christmas until we first honored Clint's memory in some way. Although it was emotionally very difficult, we attended the TCF Candle Lighting Ceremony. We also decorated a small Christmas tree in Clint's room. We used angels and ornaments representing Clint's interests. We will be adding new ones to the tree each year. |
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| Death ends a life, but not a relationship. |
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Trail Message
Mother’s Day 2006
By Debra Reagan
The first Mother’s Day without our son, Clint, was approaching. He had passed away the summer before, but the weight of grief was still heavy. So far we had made it through each day by taking one slow, encumbered step at a time. Each morning for several weeks prior to the upcoming holiday, I noticed a little sports-type car parked near my car in the parking garage at work. Apparently, it was parked there on a long- term basis because it started to gather dust. After a while, the thick dust became a target for graffiti- some of which was amusing and some was distasteful. One negative message was even addressed to a mother. Despite the fact I did not appreciate some of the comments written on the car, it reminded me of Clint and the activities of some young people. I noticed the car remained there unmoved and untouched day after day, but considering the anxiety of the impending holiday, I did not give the car much thought.
When the dreaded Mother’s Day arrived, my husband, Alan and I decided a hike to the top of one of our favorite peaks in the nearby national park. We had been avid hikers, but now even the simplest activity seemed to take more effort and energy than we had. We have had some adventures on our hikes, but this time our only goal was to get past another painful holiday without our youngest son and perhaps to be tired enough to finally get a few hours of peaceful sleep that night.
Just as we arrived in the trail parking area, approximately 35 miles from our home, we decided to take a different route to the top of the trail than the one originally planned. After several hours of uphill hiking, our bodies were beginning to feel the aches and pains. We were beginning to doubt we could even make it to the top because we knew this was not an easy hike. Then we came upon the following message written in large letters in the dirt, "Happy Mom’s Day, Love From Your Sons". I was taken aback and my heart began to beat a little faster. I thought, “Could this be for me?” The rest of the hike my thoughts bounced between belief and disbelief. I could not remember Clint using the words Mom’s Day instead of Mother’s Day, but it would be like him to shorten it. Another point that raised doubt in my mind was the signature of sons instead of son. Then I thought to myself, “But after all I do have two sons, perhaps Clint had included his brother in the message.” I had a point and counter-point for each thought. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I thought to myself, “I don’t want to miss a message from my son. On the other hand, I don’t want to seem like a foolish old woman.” I knew we had started hiking early and had not encountered any other hikers. I was bombarded with many thoughts. One reoccurring thought was, “No one had advance knowledge of the trail we were hiking that day.”
With little discussion about the message, we continued on our way to the top. Once there, we had our lunch. Inside the fire tower, someone had left a book about the area in memory of his or her family and others had turned the book into a journal for recording messages. We left our own little message and cleaned up our lunch items. On a clear day, this hike offers some spectacular views, but this was an overcast day. A little disappointed by the lack of views, we started down the trail. Just then the clouds parted and the sun came out. For that brief time, we enjoyed God’s beautiful handiwork displayed by nature. The cloud cover returned and silently we hiked back to our car somewhat contented and exhausted. Yet, the nagging doubt of the message still remained in my mind.
When we arrived home that evening, we found a card in the mailbox from a friend of Clint’s. The sweet and thoughtful friend had written on the outside of the envelope, “Happy Mom’s Day.” This touched me deeply. I thought, “Could this be my confirmation? Was the use of Mom’s Day instead of Mother’s Day a sign?” The rest of the weekend my thoughts continued to bounce. I wanted the trail message to be for me, but how could I be sure?
Time does not stop for grief and a new work week began. As I pulled into the parking garage and started to swipe my entry card, I had the quick thought, “If the message along the trail really was for me, the distasteful messages on the car would be gone because I shouldn’t pick and choose which messages are for me.” I park in a large multi-level parking garage, so at this point I could not see the dusty message-laden car. As I turned the corner and continued on, I chuckled to myself about my absurd thoughts. “Of course the distasteful messages would still be there and the whole weekend was just filled with coincidences."
As I got closer I could see the car was still there, but to my shock all the writing on the car had been wiped cleaned. It did not appear to have been moved or washed, but it had been cleared of any writing. I had not said anything to anyone about the car or my thoughts, not even my husband. So I smiled, wiped away the tears, and enjoyed the warm feeling of connection. I joyfully thought to myself as I walked into work that morning, “Okay, I get it. The message on the trail WAS for me.” For a while that day, the burden of grief would be a little lighter. |
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| June, 2006 |
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We attended The Compassionate Friends balloon release. We released a blue balloon in Clint's menory since that is his favorite color. |
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| June, 2006 |
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No where seems just right now without Clint. Inspite of this, we continue to take one day at a time. We are slowly learning to cope, although some days are much harder than others. Clint is with us in thought everywhere we go. While on vacation at the beach, we used sea shells to write the following message in the sand.
"Clint, We love you and miss you. You will be with us always. Love, Mom and Dad" |
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| June, 2006 |
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On our first trip to the beach without Clint, I was surprised to find these pieces of shells everywhere on the beach. To me they looked like angel wings. |
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| July 4, 2006 |
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Since Clint enjoyed fireworks so much, we took sparklers to his grave today. |
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| August 2006 Memorial Newspaper Ad |
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In memory of our beloved son and brother:
Clint Reagan
Your life was a blessing,
Your memory a treasure……
You are loved beyond words
And missed beyond measure....
Author Unknown
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| October 10, 2006 |
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October 10th was a lovely autumn day in East Tennessee. Early in the afternoon while working on road construction, a beautiful baby blue butterfly flew around me for a few minutes before landing on my shoulder. The butterfly sat on there for what seemed an unusual amount of time. While admiring its beauty, I thought of Clint and how blue was his favorite color. Then butterfly then flew away. This was an amazing experience for me as nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
Alan
Bill Guggenheim says in his book, Hello From Heaven, encounters with butterfiles are most commom in After Death Connections. |
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| Christmas 2006 |
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Someone is Missing at Christmas
Let this be a loving reminder
That someone is missing today.
Someone our hearts hold on to
As we travel along life's way.
Someone who made life so special
For each of us here.
Someone who won't be forgotten,
But cherished from year to year.
And now as we celebrate Christmas,
Let us fondly recall
How deeply each of us loved him.
And oh... how he loved us all.
Author Unknown
We have a tree for Clint that we decorate with ornaments that represent different things in his life.
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| December 10, 2006 |
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Today we attended our second Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting Ceremony. This ceremony is very emotional and hard to attend, but we participate as a way to honor Clint's memory. |
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| December, 2006-March, 2007 |
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Blake graduated UT Law School and passed the bar exam. We know Clint would be so proud of his brother. |
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| This Hole in our Hearts - 2007 |
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We miss Clint deeply and think of him always. He left a hole in our hearts that will always be there because it represents his physical presence. When we buried his body, that piece of our hearts went with him. Now we have memories and love to bridge that hole.
There was little on the outside that could ever adequately demonstrate the depth of anguish on the inside. It was a blessing that nature provided a sense of numbness that helped carry us along for long awhile. This provided us with a way to take in the overwhelming pain of this loss a small piece at a time. We were in shock and went through the motions. We did what we had to do to handle the most horrible time in our lives. In public we may have looked strong at times, but in private it was a different story. I found the drive home from work and the shower to be good places to release my tears.
In the beginning, we were so distraught we weren't even sure we wanted to take our next breath. When the day came we decided to breathe again, we weren't sure we could because our throats were so tight.
For the longest time there were only bad days. No place, not home, work or the trails we love, felt right or complete. Everything hurt. We hurt physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There was so much longing and searching. During that time the weight of grief was very heavy and our hearts ached so much we are surprised they still pumped life through our bodies. We had to use all our energy just to move forward one small step at a time. Alan and I together barely came up with enough energy to make one functioning person. We felt the loss in every cell of our bodies.
"Grieving parents feel they have one foot in heaven and one foot on earth." I am unsure of the author of this statement, but I can say I understand the feelings they were expressing. As one bereaved mother put it, "It is a good thing God doesn't answer all the prayers of bereaved parents exactly the way they are prayed." (because we pray to be with our children)
There were days my heart literally hurt so badly, I was surprised it continued to beat. Now I have learned there is a medical term called stress cardiomyopathy or broken heart syndrome. 
We deal with the struggles of wishing we could go backwards, but knowing we must go forward. Our hearts wanted to go back, because going forward can be so difficult. Some mornings we would awake and hope that is has all been a bad dream. It seemed so unreal.
My emotions have not gone through stages, but they have gone on a wild roller coaster ride. Some days for every step forward, I feel I take two steps backward. During the times of deep anguish, I felt I was going crazy with grief. Mourning is hard work.
TCF says it takes a mother at least 5 plus years to come to terms with the death of a child. Some reports say it takes 8-10 years before joy and purpose can be found again. At first I found this time frame overwhelming, then I realized I had the freedom to grieve my way and in my time.
We miss Clint deeply; We will be forever changed and I am not sure we would want it any other way. Because we realize it is only because we loved so much that we hurt so much.
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone". quote by Rose Kennedy
With time, prayers, friends, and family, the pain is becoming more manageable. As the fog is lifting, we find we no longer have the life we had planned as a family, but we are learning to live the life we have. Clint is in every beat of our hearts. We will always hold him and his mischievous smile close to our hearts. We continue moving forward because we must. We must be the ones to carry on his memory.
We have experienced the depth of parental grief and now we are learning about the breadth of this grief. The breadth of this grief brings on a new understanding of forever. The loss of a child isn't about getting closure or getting over it. It is about finding a way each day to go forward. It is about learning how to build a new connection with our child. It is about finding a way to carry Clint with us everyday. We will forever be Clint's parents and he our child.
Grief shifts. I have heard the healing process described this way. At first the thoughts of our beloved ones are in the front of our minds all the time. Slowly, these thoughts move to the side of our minds. Then to our shoulders. At last they land in our hearts and we find a way to carry them. They will remain with us always and forever. I have felt significant shifts in my healing at 18 and 30 months.
As Elaine Stillwell said, "...grieving....is moving the love we have for our child from the outside to the inside."
We will miss Clint until we take our last breaths. The suffering may decrease but not the love. Every day we work at adapting to life without Clint. We are learning to live with the pain. We are learning to survive and hopefully thrive. A parent never turns off the love they have for their child, even after the child dies. Clint will always be in every beat of our heart. Our love will reach across eternity until we unite again. Clint wanted everyone to be happy. We are learning to carry his smile for him. We are learning to carry joy along side of the pain in our hearts. We continue to take each day at a time as we walk this journey.
I thank God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3
If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big enough to be worshiped. -Evelyn Underhill
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| March, 2007 - Epcot's Leave A Legacy |
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We visited Clint's tile at Epcot's Leave A Legacy exhibit. It is on the front fow facing Spaceship Earth. I think Clint would have liked that. Disney World was one of his favorite places. |
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| March 2007 |
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Blake and Heather got married at Walt Disney World. Everything was so beautiful. We thought of Clint and missed him very much. He was there with us in our hearts. We received such special treatment and had such "good luck" it seemed as though he must have whispered into the ears of angels. I believe there are more than angels watching over us.
"Our family-it's little & broken but still good"- Stitch |
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| Easter 2007 |
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We attended our second sunrise service on Easter morning at the cemetery were Clint is buried. It is sad and beautiful at the same time. We miss him so much.
"They shall grow not old
as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not wear them
nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun
and in the morning
we will remember them".
Winston Churchill |
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| May 10, 2007 - Healing the Grieving Heart Internet Radio Show |
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Today I was interviewed by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi on the subject of Mother's Day. I gather my strength to help others as a way to honor Clint's memory. I hope this can be another part of his legacy.
http://www.healingthegrievingheart.org/
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| Father's Day 2007 |
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We released a balloon today with a message just for Clint. |
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| Memorial Ad 2007 |
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Memorial Ad 2007
In Loving Memory of Our Beloved Son
and Brother
Clint T. Reagan
As long as we can dream,
As long as we can think,
As long as we have a memory,
We will love you.
Love Forever,
Mom, Dad, Blake and Heather |
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| Memorial Window Decals |
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If you would like one of Clint's memorial window decals, we would love to send you one. Just email your address to us.
You can email me by clicking on the Contact Debra in the upper right hand corner of this site. |
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| August 2007 |
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Alan and I went to Myrtle Beach for a few days to get away. On August 5th, while walking on the beach we came across the following message in the sand, "I Love You, Mom". Since folks write messages in the sand all the time, I realize this one may not have been for me alone but I will choose to make it mine. I will choose to embrace this moment of continuing bonds, because losing a child is not about letting go it is about continuing on.
Life Beyond
I believe there is a world
beyond this world where every soul
finds peace.....
There is a life beyond this life
where loves goes on and on........
Author Unknown
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| September, 2007 |
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Our family's faithful and loyal companion for 18.5 years left us on September 3, 2007. She was a good dog and we miss her. We imagine she is now feeling young again, having fun and maybe even traveling along side of Clint on fishing trips. She loved her boys and was very protective of them. |
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| The Rememberers |
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We are the Rememberers,
The people left behind...
to keep the ones who've gone from us,
alive in heart and mind...
The people left to cherish,
and preserve a legacy...
Yes, We are the Rememberers...
and we will always be...
We hold many in our hearts....Clint, Papa, Nanny, Pepaw, Memaw, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and many other loved ones.
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| Donation in Memory of Clint |
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An Arbor Day Foundation donation of 25 trees that will be planted in Gallatin National Forest in memory of Clint was made by the loving and thoughtful Skotzke family. Their generosity has warmed our hearts. It means so much to us that others remember our child. |
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| Angels |
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When a smile
touches our hearts,
when the forest
stills us to peace,
when music moves us to rapture,
when we really love,
or laugh or dance with joy,
we are one with the angels.
-Unknown |
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| Every day |
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"I don't think of him every day;
I think of him every hour of every day."
-- Gregory Peck, in an interview
many years after his son's death |
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| Stars |
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"Stars are the forget-me-knots of angels
in the meadow of heaven. "
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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| Thinking of Clint |
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March 26th
This evening while dining out, I saw a young waiter that reminded me of our dear son. It wasn't that the young man looked like Clint, but it was more that they shared the same style. There were so many features that made me think of Clint: the hair coloring, the bangs, the facial hair, and the pants. The bittersweetness made my heart hurt with a longing and brought a smile to my face at the same time.
All of this spurred me to think about Clint's upcoming 23rd birthday. I wonder, who would he be now? Would he have the same style, would he like the same music, and would he be reaching for his dreams? I know for sure he would have the same sweet smile and warm hug.
Clint is in every heart beat and always will be. I miss so many things. I miss all his ways and habits, even the one that were annoying at times. :)
With love for eternity,
Mom |
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| A Dime and A Penny |
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Many folks talk about pennies from heaven, Alan and I often find the combination of a dime and a penny. While we were excited this might be a message from Clint, we were also a little puzzled.
I have heard of other folks finding dimes, but never the combination of a dime and a penny. The other day on the Healing The Grieving Heart Internet show I heard Dr. Bernie Seigel speak of a dime and a penny. He explained the the dime represented wholeness, creation and relationships. He mentioned the one represented relationships. |
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| Mother's Day 2008 |
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The Saturday before Mother's Day, Alan and I hiked a trail in the mountains. On our way back to the car, we saw butterflies everywhere. Later, I found these quotes.
"Butterflies are sent to remind us of love from our loved ones."
"A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam, and for a brief moment it's glory and beauty belong to our world. But then it flies on again and though we wish it could have stayed, We feel so very lucky to have seen it........"
May 15th, your birthday, is Butterfly Day!!!!!
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| Mother's Day 2008 |
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This is the card we had printed and sent to friends in memory of you on Mother's Day. |
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| May 25, 2008 |
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I believe our spirit is the best version of the person we are meant to be all along. When we leave our bodily form behind, we may become healthier, more knowledgeable and more content, but I believe we still have our personality. We are still that which makes us unique. 
I believe when we have messages from and connections with Clint, they show his personality. I feel this is one reason when we see his name it is often shared with a name of a girl. When I see this I laugh to myself, because this is so much like him to always have a girl by his side. 
This summer I traveled to the Grand Canyon with my sister so she could run the Rim To Rim. After picking her up on the North Rim, we stopped at a pull off along the side of the road to take a picture of the most beautiful view we had seen that day. At this one spot of all spots, there it was painted on a boulder on the side of this pull off area, "Klint & Stacy, 6/2005". True the spelling is different, but I will choose to take this as a connection from my Clint. He died on the 6th day of August, 2005.
Earlier in the day while I was all alone in the vehicle traveling along the long isolated roads around the Grand Canyon, I screamed, I cried out and I talked with Clint. Maybe he left the message to let me know he had heard me.
For an added note:
There are 8 letters between "K" to "C". Clint died on 8/6/05.
The meaning of the name Stacey is Resurrection
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| June 6, 2008 |
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We attended J.I.M.'s Conference for bereaved parents held at the University of the Cumberlands in Williamsburg, Kentucky. |
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| Drawing of Clint for Father's Day |
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This is a wonderful drawing of Clint done by a friend for Father's Day. He is available to do other drawings.
wesidell@gmail.com
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| August, 2008 - 3rd Angel Date |
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"I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable of and he is taken from me - yet in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure, I feel a thousand times richer than if I had never possessed it."
-William Wordsworth |
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| August 6, 2008 Memorial Ad |
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In Loving Memory of
Clint Reagan
There is never a moment
that you are not loved.
Love,
Mom, Dad, Blake and Heather
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| Anniversary Card August 2008 |
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The day our precious angel became
one of Heaven's angels, a piece of our heart
went with him. We keep Clint with us
everyday
as we learn to live with the pain of losing him.
In Loving Memory of Clint Reagan
Were You One of the Lucky Ones?
Did you get to meet the one whose
smile could light up a room?
Did you see that smiling face,
did you heart his infectious laugh?
Did you know the one that had
a hug for everyone?
Did you ever meet the one who
could turn a bad day into a good one?
Did you know the one that could make
the best of the worst situation?
Did you feel like you were a special
person around him?
Did you ever feel so loved?
With Forever Love,
Debra and Alan |
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| No Substitute |
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Freud wrote to his friend Binswanger:
"We find a place for what we lose. Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else."
Ironside V. You’ll Get Over it. The Rage of Bereavement. Penguin Books 1997,Pp 183.
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| Listening Hearts |
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Clint,
Kate and I have started a gathering for bereaved mothers in memory of you and Gabe. We are learning to carry the pain of our loss and the joy of our love for you guys.
We know the two of you are with us and always will be.
Listening For You Always,
Mom
www.listening-hearts.memory-of.com |
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| Angel dates & those "special" days of the heart. |
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The "special" days, those days of the heart, do not stand alone. First there is the anticipation that leads up to the date, then the date, and lastly the days following the date.
Even with all the healing and time, I found that the angel date still brought me to my knees. Maybe one day in the far away future it will not, but then again why wouldn't it. So now I am trying to have a different approach. Now I am going to accept and appreciate my healing times when I have them, but know that I am not healed and I never will be truly healed or over this. There will always be days that bring me to my knees, and I can live with those because of my love for Clint. We hurt so much because we loved so much. |
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| Vacation 2008 |
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Clint,
Dad and I continue to learn carry our loss, and each step is filled with tears and smiles. Our vacation was no different; we spent part of the time crying and part of the time laughing, but always thinking of you. We were in our hearts as remembered how much you loved Disney.
With You Always,
Mom |
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| Halloween 2008 |
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As a way of remembering you, we honored the family tradition of passing out candy at the zoo. Privately, we remembered our times together. |
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| Speak What We Feel |
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The weight of this sad time we must obey,
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.
-- William Shakespeare, ``King Lear"
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| A Memory Pothole Along This Journey |
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The grief has shifted some and the deep anguish has changed. Most days the grief is more manageable. Sometimes the memories come and I can smile. while other times the tears flow. Then there are the times that something as simple as catching a glimpse of your photo can make my heart cry out, "No, No. This can't be true. How did this happen?"
As I continue to travel this journey and learn ways to cope, my heart will always cry out for you.
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| Laguna Beach Candle Lighting |
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Clint had a candle in the Candle Lighting To Remember at Laguna Beach, California on November 2, 2008. There were 250 luminaria on the beach at sunset. A prayer was said for our loved ones.
Thank you, Karen and Nancy with Memory Jar website |
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| Thanksgiving Message |
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Clint,
Thank you for the special message by way of the mail. Very clever how you used a cell phone flyer and the unique name. You are will us always.
Love,
Mom and Dad |
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| Mt. Everest |
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Clint’s aunt made a trip to Mt. Everest and she left an angel token with his name inscribed at a prayer wall at a Tengboche monastery located in a village by the same name. The prayer walls are scattered about the mountain and when you come upon one tradition says to walk to the left of it.
It warms my heart to know that Clint's memory is traveling the nation and the world. |
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| Clint's Angel |
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Clint's angel for the Listening Hearts candle lighting ceremony. |
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| The Light of Clint's Love |
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We used a battery powered candle in Clint's votive and left the candle burning from Christmas Eve and all through Christmas. It warmed my heart to wake up during the night and to look over to see Clint's face glowing.
While tradition may say we should look for Santa on Christmas Eve, I was looking into my heart for Clint's love.
The light of Clint's love will forever glow in our hearts.
Love Forever,
Mom, Dad and Blake
Seymour, TN
http://www.mourninglights.com
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| The Incomplete Journey |
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"The journey of surviving the loss of a child will never be completed. I think I have to accept that fact. But, as time goes by, it takes smaller steps to travel a greater distance."
by Al Faust
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| Engraved |
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The anguish may get softer,
The tears may get quieter,
The pain may become more private,
But the love never wanes.
The love is forever engraved in my heart.
Mom
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| The Glass Hummingbird 4/21/09 |
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There is a smell that is part of my memory of Clint. Since the blessing of this smell doesn't happen often, I cherish each moment. Recently, I encountered the precious smell several times over the span of a day and a half. I enjoyed the bitter sweetness of it and went about my day with a smile in my heart. The next day the following took place.
Around the age of 16, Clint gave me a glass hummingbird ornament that I kept hanging on the bathroom mirror. I enjoyed looking at it each morning as I got ready for work. Of course, after his death the little hummingbird meant even more to me. The day after I had encountered my special odor, I noticed the glass ornament was dusty so I took it down to clean it. I seemed to hear a voice that said I should get a picture of the hummingbird, but then in a split second I dropped it. The precious little bird hit the sink and it broke into tiny pieces, too many to repair. As I was cleaning up the broken pieces, that special smell surrounded me again.
One part of me ached because I felt as though I had lost of yet another piece of my Clint, but another part was assured that it wasn’t necessary for me to have material items to remember him. I would like to think the smell that surrounded me was his way of comforting me and reminding me that he is with me always.
As I was describing this event to a friend, she told me that the hummingbird is an important symbol to some folks. I did a little research and found this quote.
"The hummingbird symbolizes love, joy and beauty. The hummingbird is unique in that it can also fly backwards, teaching us that we can look back at our past, but not dwell there, and continue to go forward. Its ability to hover while drinking nectar is a lesson for us to savor each moment, while appreciating its sweetness." |
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| June 2009 |
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Sometimes it feels we continue to loose little bits and pieces of Clint's life. We know this isn't really true because he is with us always.
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| Mojo and Clint |
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| Life Without Clint |
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Four years have passed since you went away.
Our lives were changed forever that horrible day.
Life is so different as we try to muddle through
Each and very day living without you. |
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| August 2009 |
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 You will never be forgotten. As I bent to kiss your stone I was reminded of the date we share. We will forever be connected in so many ways. |
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| August 2009 |
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 I went for a walk in the woods and found a heart. |
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| The Fire in My Mind |
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Message to Clint:
Four years and I still can't believe you are gone. Sometimes it still feels like yesterday and I still look for you to come walking through the door or to give me a call on the mobile phone.
I begin and end each day with thoughts of you.
Love,
Mom |
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| Grief Timeline |
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"Grief has a beginning a middle and the rest of our lives."
-Candy Lightner |
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| If you have any material to add to this section, please contact the
website manager.
If you are the website manager, you can enter edit mode to change the timeline
by clicking here. |
| Bring the memories home by publishing your online memorial as a genuine hardcover keepsake |
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